Schatzenputz Flashlight
vengeance and the spandrel
parry, harry and deny the flank: 1887
Twenty seven years after the war we had the Eveready light, a 1×5 inch tube of our new flat black alloy. We sent them as gifts to selected clients. They were warned not to cut the tube- or it would explode- and maybe it did. But push a button on the back and the light would go on and off. Just go click- it’s a handy Mormon trick. One night it illumined a Pinkerton man on the right bank. A shot was fired and the little light zipped out of the tube- same speed as the bullet- and the bullet blew up mid-river. There was a second shot and the Pinkerton man blew up. Just a brilliant white line and then darkness.
How did you know it was a Pinkerton man. We found his doodle and ball sack bobbing gently on a lily pad and winking at us. Ashore were half a dozen or so chunks of charred meat in a circle around a screaming skull. The little light pill detected hostile intent… whether the object was animate or inanimate. Incredible. The tube mirrored lines of force- with astonishing precision- another unintended consequence another spandrel. Intent was somehow separate from the intender, and we had to look into that. It was our first glimpse into the multi-polar universe. Intellectual property is just as absurd as human property.
Out of the sea came he!
And he shone bright, and on the right
Went down into the sea.
Instead of ending slavery, they just pushed it into a landfill. Our clients were impressed- but not the way we intended. There were only a few of them- and they disappeared. Seven years after the war all we wanted to do was to make an electricity generator for Camp Schatzenputz. Monk was arrogant at Jacob’s Pharmacy as the pharmacist Pemberton came outside to draw them in for a meeting. Henry could feel a confrontation approaching that felt like a train that had been heading toward him for the last five years or so: actually ever since Monx interrupted his reverie on the plantation porch with his introduction.
Many train cars had indeed been added to that train as Henry thought back frequently to that first meeting. He had been aware for a long time that something like this was coming. How else Chaska answered with a nod. McCandless went through the woods to where it was tied, and asked your coyote Pandy to go to bring back Daisy. Pandy takes no orders, not even from you, and went directly to Standing Rock to find me. Well… Hawk found her. Where’s the Dart? Chattahoochee River. Not too good to float on. Rocks, Good thing it flies. Rounded up Thabo too. He’s fussing. What they want. Drugs.
Thabo’s here. Won’t leave the boat, but crossed that line. Yep. Swore no more of the south. How did you find my hotel. Followed the sword. Everyone that walked past you pointed the way. War’s over. You stand out some. They robbed your room. He thumbed in the direction of the opened door without bothering to turn around. There. You see how it is. Build a generator- get a generator and a transformer- that blank space between the arches making a door holding up a ceiling. See it. Form does not follow function in this case. Form precedes function and follows what is coming. You can’t stop what’s coming.
That had so long remained,
I dreamt that they were filled with dew;
And when I awoke, it rained.
Deflect. Pass. Persistently harass a turning point.
Temptation v. Evil
A chance of Yankees
Affection & Attention, 1879
In uniforms of blue.
I hates the nasty eagle,
With all his braggs and fuss,
The lyin’ thievin’ Yankees,
I hates ’em wuss and wuss.
Apple nose plow pushes a smudge trench about a century wide while the Supreme Court diddles a federal law to prohibit polygamy because it does not violate the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. This has nothing to do with women talking. Religion, Mormons and the common girls’ grievance drifted over Utah (and England) after three hundred thousand Yankees were stiff in Southern dust. So we used corn papa Reynolds to funnel Morgan dollars to the Spanish Socialist Workers’ Party clandestinely into the Casa Labra tavern in Madrid by some printer named Pablo. From that point… it got rather complicated. Henry knew the rich noobs had their eye on Pablo’s poke.
His first stop was the farmers market next to the train station. Stabled the horse and roamed the market in search of Monx Adom and the plantation’s yield of risky produce. After visiting two more of these with the same results, Henry entered a very large apothecary store with a soda fountain along one wall and the pharmaceutical cage along the opposite wall. And in less than an hour, Monx was out front. Sauntered out to the sidewalk to greet him. Monx was almost ready to run, when Henry grabbed him by the shoulder to congratulate him in his first direct sale of their new crops. After considerable argument, explanation and eventual praise, Monx told Henry he had simply made a syrup for the soda fountain out of the coca leaves and kola nuts.
A’ campin’ in the snow,
But I killed a chance o’ Yankees
I’d like to kill some mo’.
The pharmacist himself was in the market for as much as they wanted to provide, and he wanted to be the exclusive buyer of the raw materials from their farm and the exclusive new owner of the formula to make the syrup. It was sure to be a welcomed new product in the beverage business and it alleviated pain with a surprising burst of energy. They are building a gated golf community where those black boys who stormed Fort Fisher camped all winter of ’65. Henry remembered how you could hear Jubal Early’s flugelhorn voice over battle clatter yelling ye goddam blue-butts. The Army of the James participated in the final assaults on Petersburg… first unit to enter Richmond…followed the Johnnies to Appomattox (also a river).
They cut off Robert E. Lee’s escape route. The Army of the James was present at the surrender of the Army of Northern Virginia. And now Big bad Bill don’t fight anymore. He washes dishes… and he scrubs the floor. That’s right. Big bad Bill is sweet William now. So who is crazy. Lead us not into… but deliver us from… we all said that- but when hopes and prayers are delivering evil, big bad Bill and handsome Johnny will be back with a fucking vengeance you best believe. There will be no giggle or golf tee he. Blue belles and dudettes will come along with poisons, whips and needles. Needles to say- we are out of here… and into the back brick row at the freak show.
Now that is sarten sure,
And I don’t want no pardon
For what I was and am.
I won’t be reconstructed,
And I don’t care a damn.
The Schoolmarm
Uncle Johns Band
Have you seen the like?
Their walls are built of cannonballs
Their motto is “don’t tread on me”
The tall grouchy guy is General Meade. And there behind him is old Uncle John Sedgewick. He is looking at you. See who is boots and spurs- and see who is wearing shoes. The battle was over seven years and whoops – there she goes- floating over the great plain folk dragging wires and railroads and could she kitsch kitschy coo. American Progress schoolmarm. Howdy duty. School. Book. Baggage aplenty but easy to drop if one needs to lose weight or drag. And speaking of drag- her decency hangs on her left nipple- unless there’s no wind up there and it’s just hanging on. Nobody paid any attention to that shit anyway because the boys were busy back home humping and whelping with the girl of their dreams.
Her locks were yellow as gold:
Her skin was as white as leprosy,
The Night-mare LIFE-IN-DEATH was she,
Who thicks man’s blood with cold.
Pinkerton’s boys were grain grifters who could not tell a crime from a commodity. They still are. While the soldiers went back home to humping… we were dealing with their shootists- some were quite good- most were not. Meanwhile the Gast schoolmarm drifted south after the war as well. Gast left for Berlin in 1860 to finish his education during the Civil War. He earned a degree from the Royal Academy there and returned to St. Louis to work at his father’s company. Gast light era made everyone crazy. They all started dew doo doing… what they said they were fighting to prevent. Slavery. Invasion. Disunion. But the schoolmarm floated free like an untethered balloon.
There is danger at your door
Think this through with me
Let me know your mind
Woah, oh, what I want to know
Is are you kind?
Toroidal Propeller
Aion &Thoth, LLC.
‘There was a ship,’ quoth he.
‘Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!’
Eftsoons his hand dropt he.
We developed the toroidal propeller because we could. We had alloys we never told Andy. It’s super-structural. By the time we developed the propeller, the Dart made such a thing obsolete for high-speed travel over land or sea. But you see Jenny’s lines back at Pancake Lake, Pandora- our yellow wing Jenny- the most perfect Swiss company Jungmann, freshman, young man. Except for her short sharp nose with her electric motor that is the mark of our Great Lakes design. That’s right honey bun. The ones who can buy our products never reveal their source.
It is simply a Mobius strip on its side. Nobody in the world would think of such a thing. Well- somebody did- but they couldn’t do it. We found them- and we could do it. Simple as the strategy that beat the brilliant Bobby Lee. Grant had engineers that came out of the woodwork. Never met either man personally- but saw both many times during the war. Nothing cuts like a saber. Nothing sails like a ship and nothing flies like a biplane. Yah there will be one-deckers too. That’s not the point, but it says this to you: control the axis and keep the dancing practice.
Never use a saber when you should be using a goddam saw. And no matter what you saw the eyes can deceive. That is why we believe what we want to believe. Chaska lanced his law and magic. Thabo thumped his numbers and money. Henry kept them both honest with his ability to terminate boards of directors. Thoth may be a Visigoth. I need you to be with me, Henry. What if he asks for proof. I’m wearing a wedding ring. Paper proof. Like a document. Henry, he won’t. You have to see how he is with me. He’s suspected for a long time. If he had really believed we were married, he wouldn’t have tried so hard to court me.
Ach. Stop it will you darling. I need this loan on paper not the money. It’s meant to disgrace him. We just need to convince him that you will guarantee the loan. And when there is default. Henry awoke. Let it be de mine saber saw. I’ll be needing a horse first thing in the morning. Find someone you trust to watch the coca plants and harvested leaves and keep everyone else away from it. Keep track of anyone who has a problem with that. Lock them up too if you have to. They might get sick. I’m not worried about the nuts right now. Just the leaves from the plants we brought from Florida. Can you do this.
From the fiends, that plague thee thus!—
Why look’st thou so?’—With my cross-bow
I shot the ALBATROSS.
And then there was the time travel itself. He supposed it to be the changes in diet for starters and sleep deprivation, something he knew well. But, outside of fatigue, it was natural for him to actually see the changes in the mirror first. It’s what first alerted him. First, he noticed the greying at his temples and a considerable paunch after coming back from New York. Eventually, as he stayed in the later 1800s both did go away. So at the realization that he might have to limit his jettisoning to more reasonable amounts, he decided he would do this quick trip for the sake of McCandless and handle what might be needed.
Henry nodded and looked down at the boards making up the floor. They need to be repainted. Then looking directly into McCandless’ eyes. How much did he take in the way of samples. Most of our new crops from the past couple o’ years, and fine with me. He took his wife and daughter with him and I’m hoping he’ll just stay in Atlanta. He got himself a city way ‘bout him anyways. Those plants you brought… Monx was mighty free to let our farmers use them as they pleased. They ain’t no good for workin’. I’m having to lock it all away after harvestin then ration it when we need to get anything done. Lost folks to it too.
It wasn’t lost on anybody when Uncle John Sedgwick made the funniest joke of the war. Sure- the Peacemaker became a revolver. That’s ironic. But his last words were, they couldn’t hit an elephant from here. Last seen alive wearing a half-inch hole and a grin. Lots of folks saw the elephant back in those days. If differences of wits, so far distant as these, do enter into competency, the one getteth learning in a trice. You had to laugh. Otherwise you’d bawl like a baby. It is the inverse of Chinese painting where what it looks like is secondary to how fast you can do it. We wanted to make it as realistic as possible. So we invented Dutch Masters. Then the camera… and then the other… can small skill in the matter.
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.
US citizens
Children of God
for they will be called children of God.
They were walking along the road.
You know it is time for the US citizens who are not happily nested in the Middle Ages to leave the 19th Century. There are a scant few now who have actually read Marx and Engels within their historical context and understand the evolution of a social theory as revolutionary and insightful (and therefore dangerous) as Darwin’s biological theory. It’s the truth: if Darwin’s ideas had been as brutally suppressed in the US as Marx (not for lack of effort), Biotechnology would not exist. Grant said- find out where they are hit them as hard as possible and then move on. Henry and the Buoys saw this as a triple opportunity. By the light of a burning Savannah glowing orange miles out over the wine dark sea, the Dart was born.
Consider (and then dismiss) the significant portion of the US population who is perfectly satisfied with the authoritarian pyramid pecking order organic stew with god- at the top, invertebrates at the bottom, and just below god is the king or commander in chief- or boss- who gets their authority directly from god. Well- they wouldn’t be in charge if god did not will them to be. Right? All you have to do is obey. Turn off brain. End of story. However, on the tail of advancing armies and in advance of retreating armies there is opportunity for honest trade as well as plunder. We learned our own specialties during the war- especially on riverboats or at sea where we had to work together- loners that we were. Back then.
The Right Flyer- 1903
for they will be shown mercy.
It is competition that keeps us sharp Punta nodded, suppressing a yawn. Brothers’ war. Bloody pish. After the war… met a couple of brothers in Ohio while working as a travelling preacher for shits, giggles and information. In 1903 the brothers built the powered Wright Flyer, using their preferred material for construction, spruce, a strong and lightweight wood, and Pride of the West muslin for surface coverings. They also designed and carved their own wooden propellers, and had a purpose-built gasoline engine fabricated in their bicycle shop. They thought propeller design would be a simple matter and intended to adapt data from shipbuilding.
However, their library research disclosed no established formulae for either marine or air propellers, and they found themselves with no sure starting point. They discussed and argued the question, sometimes heatedly, until they concluded that an aeronautical propeller is essentially a wing rotating in the vertical plane. On that basis, they used data from more wind tunnel tests to design their propellers. Competition. Hah. 1594 Carew Huarte’s Exam. Wits xiii. Etc. If differences of wits, so far distant as these, do enter into competencie, the one‥getteth learning in a trice, and the other‥can small skill in the matter. Every fighter, high or low, throughout the ages learns: the only competition is mortal combat. Everything else is a game. And games are wonderful. They help us to bloom and grow.
It was loads of fun selling parts of Willie Daimler’s motor and infidel fabric to the Bishop’s boys.
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Monx Adom
This day is about Redemption.
And why your own daughter comes to hate you
( regarding love and art )
Redemption is possible. Anything is possible. It is a question of probability. Henry was his nom de guerre. Like a nickname. Redeem means to buy back… which means that you bought it in the first place, you deemed it so- right? Punta was waiting for Henry to get to the point. Hancock the Superb they called him. I was there. I saw how he did it during the battle that was the turning point of what Americans now call our recent unpleasantness. It was unpleasant as hell. But there he was with his white cuffs and manicured hands atop a fine horse giving sensible commands- yes indeed he was proud. So what did we buy back in the first place- something that was never ours and never could be. Immortality. He was good- but Grant had no use for him. Pandora kept her box shut.
The pecan trees look wonderful! What are those other trees that line the back acreage. McCandless smiled. We had a Nigerian family join us. When freed, they don’t want to go north and the good news of our farm draw him to us. He say he bring African kola nuts for us that grow into trees, like pecans. So I say fine and they move in and work hard and the trees coming along. We’ll see what they do. They promise that the nuts are good for stomach problems and energy. Takes longer… but they work hard and like how we share profits. I’ll show them to you as we meet up. Monx Adom is the man’s name. His wife is Uter and daughter Rane. You’ve handled things very well. Are the neighbors behaving. They been pretty busy without slave labor and the ones that are tryin’ to work their own lands are finding out… it pays to pay somethin’ for help.
They ain’t rich like they used to be, but they see value to the land. And the help… all of a sudden. Hardest for them to be nice about it though. Dixie Daisy and McCandless wandered off, Daisy fussing and gushing, McCandless pointing and laughing as they made their ways around the farm. Henry moved off toward the the front porch with the old Meerschaum pipe he kept at the farm- bought himself in Budapest. The maiden’s breasts carved into the bowl was ever pleasing to his fingers. He always wanted a figurehead for the Dart made in replication to his favorite pipe and had never gotten around to finding the artist for the job. He named the pipe Lorelei in homage to the cliff dwelling beauty of the Rhine who sang to lure sailors to their deaths. Henry thought it a most appropriate name for his pipe. Smoking was an unhealthy and deathly pleasure.
He would name the figurehead Lorelei also- feeling ultimately the same way about the Dart. A very dark skinned man came to the front of the rocker and boldly introduced himself. I am new to the plantation. My name is Monx Adom. I come from Nigeria. You must be the Hessian warrior. Henry nodded – tightening his lips – purposely examining the eyes of the man in front of him… finally uttering once more. Ja. The kola nut is also good for other things and here I give you a few. They are carried for good luck and health and fortune also. Henry took them without comment after rolling them around in his hand. He rocked back and waited for the reason for the conversation. It never came. I’m impressed by your English he finally said. Not a trace of an accent either. Accents are for the lazy say Monx. Ja? Yesss. (Morgana has come for the little wizard).
Don’t worry. Don’t hurry. It’s better to be late at the Golden Gate- than to arrive in Hell on time. My grandfather said it to me- and now I say it to you. What you do with it is your business. He also said: never try to outtalk a woman- they’ll be talking long after you’re dead. I lost my gender war. Licked out of my boots as crazy Phil would say. The point is- young flier- Daisy must never see you aboard the Dart… and when she is aboard- you must never see her. If you do- an explosion is the result. Anti-matter does not matter. Just a big bang. Henry told Daisy of his concerns regarding Monx Adom. She briefed McCandless on Mr. Adom and left the farm in what she had always known to be in good hands. Henry gave her a kola nut for good luck, along with a playful little swat on her behind.
Chased as Virgins
Watt a Co Inky Dink
Talking of Michelangelo.
Forward to the present: Henry, Chaska and Thabo are partners ever since the US Civil War. They meet again- now as old men- and wonder how the world got so weird. Never mind the names. They are freelance face-dancers.
Endless Corporal Affirmation of (money-saving) Values!
Quantity has a quality all its own. A strange thing happens (to some people) and it usually happens in front of something like tracks in the soil, mountains or the color of water. People don’t recognize it because their pattern recognition has rusted shut- and this happens for a variety of reasons. Metaphors, usually. You can’t manage what you can’t measure… but what you measure-is what you get. We sense what we want to sense because dementia is baked into the metaphor that represents some other cake. It’s a part of us that despite all logic, wants to entertain the possibility that the world really does have supernatural dimensions. It’s the same part of us that gets spooked to arrive at the edge of the world’s knowledge, seek out the most complex and sophisticated minds, put them in a room together, and have them ask each other the questions they are asking themselves.
Henry found out what it felt like to be a stain upon a shirt. He experienced instantaneous humility. Thabo had rushed to him and helped him to his feet… asked what happened. Henry did not know. Felt like he’d been shot, the impact of something lifting him from the ground and gravity letting him fall back to it. There was no blood, nor wound, nor mark. Gravity. Now there was a real word to ponder. Henry considered his fall and his long drop to earth, thinking not of the force of gravity which took him on the journey, but rather the grave to where he was headed. All around, the situation had been grave indeed. He must have been gravely hit by lightning. It’s been said you never hear it coming when you have been hit. If Henry had lost his senses, there was no way Thabo could dial them back… sipped his coffee- eyes wide upon Henry.
Let us go and make our visit.
Back in New Orleans, Marie Laveau reversed her hex on Henry after 48 hours. He remembered little of his emotional eclipse, yet his two friends would gift him with no mention of it. It was enough for Marie to have seen it in her crystal. He was an arrogant man who needed to be reminded of priorities in life. Depending upon Henry’s attitude in the near future, she could recall a dose of humility if needed. But for now, she needed him to fulfill his work with the Feds. His boat load of people were expected in Tampa and Miami where the men were needed to work in the growth of the ports in those harbors. The women had work waiting for them in domestics and the children in cigar factories and shellfish. New Orleans would be able to start to breathe again as the over populated city was relieved of excess people.
The humble can father great… and the great can poop out aplenty trash. Henry was never good with languages- but the black forest of boyhood taught him to be a good mimic. Fact is- say Thabo shuffling the cards- we made Henry the boss because he never wanted to be the boss. Plenty true say Chaska drawing a Havana under his ursine nose- sniffing it like a bloodhound. Big Scottish Wampum Bear make powerful magic with the Dutchman Unobtainum. Pandora Blaskowitz blinked at all this incredulously. Looks like a meta-narrative to me. Terribly old-fashioned. Crude. But effective. If your purpose is to make a rarity you certainly aren’t going to make very many. Atlanta red signs are doing the opposite thing. Feeding sugar to the worker bees instead of nectar of the bee-line waggle-dance. And oh what wordy hurdy-gurdy hides in a hyphen!
Chaska was blowing smoke signals all the way to Cuba.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
waldopaper 
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