Old Friends
| Henny and Hoob “That we should treat all trivial things in life very seriously, and all serious things of life with a sincere and studied triviality.” –Oscar Wilde Southern Railway, 1895 — Southbound from Front Royal to Danville Hubie always asked about Dixie. Until Henry changed the subject to horses or the war. And a hell of a goddamned war it was ja meine Hoobnik. Just look at you Hoob. Mitout der horseshit on your lederhosen every bit the English country gentlemen. Where are your fancy Prussian medals. Henny you silly old grandma. Where is my big Cuban railroad tycoon cigar. Meine wife und kits alles plain hardtack egg to you rich old Hen. Give over ye verdamt old piker. Good to see you again. And the sad old war played once more for the two old friends. Like bookends. Hubert Dilger certainly did not believe in witches. Dixie was the mysterious land of banjos and happy mud flap feet negroes. Henry met Hoob at the Battle of Gettysburg in 1863. Their mutual interests in horses, men and ordnance kept them corresponding over thirty years. On women, Henry and Hubert sharply disagreed because Henry truly did believe in witches, and the less spoken about them the better. But not today. Daisy was her name ja. Your girl at Gettysburg. I had no time for girls Hoob. Only my Indian pony who still dances in your pasture. Ha you macht der big deals with General Schurz old Hen. That is why you lay golden eggs to this day. They say Daisy still dances in your theatre ja. This cigar was wrapped in Havana a fortnight ago you Prussian puppy. Tighter than your logic. Do mutti und der kits trust papa Hoob mit fire. You have seen old women dance. Ha ha you old Henry repeater. Girls and theatre was always your game. At cards you aint so good. Hessian grandma still cant tell Bavarian from Prussian. Get us a new deck boy. And keep this Pierpont dollar for yourself. My boys run the best goddam cars all the way to California. Gypsies taught me card tricks when you were in short pants little Hoobnik. You deal. I steel. Sausage talk Henny penny. Daisy is holding court in Washington City sweet as honey and bold as hell. With bullets from her beautiful eyes. And you are still down south helping old Jew rob banks. See your dollar and raise you two bits. Old Henry’s eyes brimmed. Jubal Early was my friend old Hoob. Like you. Germans like us know that anyone can be killed. Old Jew was a lion in battle. Like you. Jubal cotched me at Chancellorsville. Fair and square. Not like you. See your two bits and raise you a dollar. Give me two cards. Come west with me Hoob. I will show you things you never saw. A great big whale and a shark. Hubert Dilger scratched his chin. I fold. Never bet against anyone who has more money than sense. Henry laughed. I will take you back to your momma fish again before it’s dark. Your money’s no good aboard my car Hoob. Win lose or draw. I cheated loser Dutchman. I cheated old Jew. But I will not cheat you. I am making a play now that rattles the English. Come west with me Hubie. So you say old henny penny. Fuck you Dilger. Dutchman does not forget his debts. He may not pay them. But he does not forget. Daisy made me an offer that I could not refuse. There was no choice. Now I know about carriages without horses and machines that fly. Did you think I wanted to know all this shit. The strong do what they can smiled Hoob as he got off at Danville. And the weak suffer what they must thought Henry as he continued toward the coast. |
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